My day so far today: A text wakes me up at 3:46 am. I know Jason and my girls are at home, so it must be an emergency with my parents. Nope. It’s just someone wanting to let me know that a dog she found is at the shelter. Now I’m awake. Wide awake, so I go to the kitchen to get a little work done. I’m cranking things out, getting stuff done, answering emails, etc. and I see a shadow out of the corner of my eye. I don’t have to see it closely to know it’s another freaking bat in my house. (We’ve stopped counting, but we have had at least thirty bats INSIDE the house this year so far.) I duck down and try to retreat to my bedroom, but the bat flies into the ceiling fan which hits it and knocks it down toward me. I scream and hit the deck. Our “deck” is rock hard terrazzo. I land hard on my knees. Pain shoots up my legs and I see stars, but I army crawl back to the bedroom and shut the door. Good. I’m safe now, and somehow, everyone in my family is still sleeping soundly. I get snuggled back up in bed, nice and cozy. Then I start thinking again. While I was up, I opened the back door to look outside. Did I lock the door when I shut it? Now, my OCD is kicking in, and I know I won’t be able to go back to sleep until I check the door, so I have to venture back out into The Batlands to check. I climb out of my coziness and army crawl back through enemy territory. Check. Door is locked. It’s safe to retreat. Here comes the bat. No time for army crawls. . . I stand up and run into the closest room, our guest bathroom. I am certain the bat is chasing me. I have to stop and catch my breath. I am in complete panic mode. Now, how to get out of the bathroom and back down the hall to the safety of my bedroom without being detected by the malicious bat? I seriously consider curling up on the bathroom floor for the rest of the night. But I have dogs. Our floors are gross. And rock hard. I summon my courage, crack the door open just a smidge to assess the situation. The coast is clear. I duck low and speed down the hall to my bedroom. I made it! I check the time. It’s now almost 6:30. I have to get up at 7:00. I curse my miserable life and nod off to sleep. Of course, when my alarm sounds at 7:00 I turn it off and keep sleeping. I awake at 7:54 am to another text. Same person. Wants an update on the dog. Yes. Really. This happened. I get up and wander into the kitchen where Jason is about to leave for work. I ask him if he found the bat. Yes. He did. It is still alive and chillin’ on our living room wall. He can’t reach it, so we will just have to leave it be until it decides to start flying again tonight and we can let it out of the house. In the safety of daylight I go into the living room to look at it. It is about an inch-long in body length. I swear that bat was the size of a California condor when it was chasing me last night.